Select A Box

Select A Box

They ask me to write down my race

And I think very seriously

And consider writing down the truth

And have my answer read

I am not a box.

I can’t be boxed.

I have history.

I am the ancestor of Cowboys and Outlaws,

The Younger Brothers share my blood.

You can follow the family tree back to Andrew Jackson,

Best known for his role as US President.

But my Papa worked for the GBI,

He helped Georgia towns fix their “Black Problem”.

I am a blend of nationalities.

The red hair gives me away as Irish,

My ancestors were refugees from the Potato famine.

Emily means Hard working

It is French/ German/ Latin/ Teutonic.

Who knows where that came from?

Wilcox is English and means son of Will.

We have a cross stitch of my family’s crest.

But Baird is a strong Scottish name,

Last year I picked up a scarf with the Baird tartan

I wear it with pride every winter.

I come from many places.

Dad’s parents are strong southern Baptists from Georgia,

And my father followed closely in their footsteps,

Though he married a woman, who was a Marine, A catholic, and a Yankee.

Mom didn’t know her mother’s first name.

Grandma Baird was an alcoholic.

Mom was 1 of 7 children.

She was in and out of foster care, and other homes,

From Kansas to Minnesota,

Depending on how life was going.

I moved around a few times as a child:

2 homes in Georgia, 2 in North Carolina, and then Tennessee.

I am an individual.

I love Sushi and Hot wings equally.

I am intrigued by history,

And I really only enjoy fiction.

I am passionate about travel,

And trying brand new things.

I strive to be independent,

And to have a life of my own.

“So what box do I fit in?

Is there a box that encompasses every facet of my being.

If you insist on ‘boxing’ me, listen to my story.”

I want to say.

But I stop

And simply write down:

White

The Difference Between Due and Done

I am in the process of writing this blog not only to have an outlet to express my own opinions, thoughts, and frustrations, but also as a writing assignment for an education course that I am taking. As a stipulation of this course, I am supposed to complete 3 blogs per week and to also respond to my classmates writing. I have found this task a tid bit difficult, as I don’t always feel that I have profound, wide sweeping insights into my life to share with the world. I feel that is what a blog should be. At the end of reading my post, I don’t want to leave people wondering, “So what?”.

Earlier this week, I went to an author’s reading/lecture that was held on campus. For the first hour, he read four of the stories that he has written. I’m not going to lie to you, I didn’t get a lot out of this portion of the presentation. I am not a professional literary critic, so I will refrain from commenting on his work. I will say, though, that I prefer to read it myself rather than to hear it read.  For the next thirty minutes he answered three questions. Someone asked him “What makes a good writer?”. He answered (as almost every college professor/author/journalist would) “You have to write”. Forgive my generalization there about writers, but I feel that advice is so overused and trite. It is basically the ‘practice makes perfect’ concept that we were told during our childhood t-ball games, only applied to writing. He did make one statement that I found useful. Not surprisingly, it didn’t come from him, but from a friend of his.  He told the story of a Harvard college professor whose students asked her, “What if nothing that we write is good enough?”. The professor responded “Well, then lower your standards.”

Of course, those words peaked my interest. I started thinking about them, especially in terms of my blog and my creative writing. He expounded upon this idea of lowering one’s standards.  Students were not to lower their standards of good writing but to stop criticizing their own writing so much.

On a daily basis in college, I hear students complaining about how they are horrible writers. Personally, this blog and in other writing that I do, I like to include profound insights that are applicable to people’s every day lives. I want everyone to be able to relate to my words. When this speaker said “Lower your standards”, it really struck a chord with me.  Maybe not everything that I write has to be a brilliant piece of literature, but if I never put it out there, I’ll never know.

In my creative writing class, I told my professor about my perfectionist tendencies and how I despised turning in work that was incomplete or seemed to need more revision. She just looked at me and said “Writing is never done, it’s only due.” I think this is very similar to the standards statement. Basically, all of my writing can be improved  or expanded upon, but there comes a time when you just have to put it out there for the world to see.

I’m going to start writing my blog that way. Perfection may not have been reached yet, but blogging about something inconsequential (in the grand scheme of things) is better than not blogging at all. Actually, that seems like a pretty effective way to live one’s life: It may not be perfect, but living in the moment is better than never living life at all.

The Real Power of Words

Right now I’m in a creative writing class. It’s a three hour class once a week, and a lot of the time we will spend half of that time talking world selections. Some words are more powerful than others. As far as my writing goes, I would probably have to agree– some phrases sound a lot better and are more fun to read. But, I’d have to say in real life, it’s not how strong your adjectives or verbs are, it is the way in which you use them that make them powerful.

Growing up, we were always lectures about words meaning a lot, and how words could hurt people. I spoke to a teenage friend of mine earlier this week, she’s a freshman in high school. She asked me for help in dealing with her best friend, who is apparently suicidal. I would have to say that it’s rough enough as a teenager without people sending text messages to you, telling you to “kill yourself already”. Words can mean a lot.

But, words are also powerful in other ways. I already blogged about this earlier this week, but words are imperative for sticking up for your beliefs. When someone is doing something you don’t agree with, it takes an extremely strong person to stand up for themselves. Honestly, I think one of the under-ratedwords in our vocabulary, though I’m sure my creative writing professor would disagree, is NO.

Another way that words are powerful, that I’ve been thinking about quite a bit lately, is apology. Sometimes our actions or words are wrong. It takes a lot for a person to admit that. I think I’ve become a lot better at it lately–putting my foot in my mouth, pulling it out, admitting I’m wrong, and saying I’m sorry. Honestly, the relief of the tension after an apology is made is pretty extraordinary. Sometimes, that’s all it takes.

Words are such powerful things. They have the capabilities of being extremely dangerous. They can evoke laughter, fear, and tears. Words can start wars and inspire hope. They can end friendships and mend them. They’re the reason that we fall in love, and the way that we express it.

Basically, words make us superheroes; they give us the power to do anything. We should be careful how we use them.

Standing Strong

Earlier this week in class, we discussed an author who recently came to Transy to speak, Alan Johnson. He spoke on his book, Power, Privilege, and Difference, and the implications of being a white male. In one of his lectures, he noted a story about a time that his friend made a “woman joke”, and how he was ashamed to say that he had not stood up for his beliefs. When someone asked him why he didn’t say anything, he noted, “Because, I want to have some friends in this world”.
Some students attributed it to the “boy code”, that men don’t discuss serious issues. Others criticized him for a lack of confidence in front of his friend. Eventually the discussion moved on to other material covered in his lecture. I couldn’t even pay attention to what they were saying. I kept coming back to this idea of NOT standing up for your beliefs, because you want to have some friends left.
I have been there so many times in my life. I have the opportunity to stand up, and say “You’re wrong” or “I disagree”. Instead, I sit back and, either let someone else be the powerful one or let the moment pass by completely. It hasn’t been until recently that I have finally been courageous enough, or some might say stupid enough, to begin standing up to those around me. I can’t necessarily say that it has been a liberating experience. For, while I momentarily feel relieved for standing up for myself and getting it off of my chest, the repercussions of my actions have been less than beneficial. I have found myself ostracized and ignored, or even worse, I have been yelled at and called names.
I guess that’s what makes it so difficult to say what you feel and stand up for your opinions– the fact that you might actually be persecuted by those around you. I am a very strong person, who is very opinionated, but I oftentimes sit back and let my friends do or say things that I disagree with, merely because I want the homeostasis of the world to stay intact. My recent experiences with the disruption of this stability in my friendships when I say something challenging, has really made me wonder if it is worth it.
Should I always stand strong? If I do, will I be left with any friends? I’d have to say that Alan Johnson is right. I can’t criticize him for not standing up to his friend. It’s great to have strong beliefs, but what good does it do, if you have no one left to tell them to?